my grown-up self.

growing up i collected ideas and images in my mind of the kind of things i would do and the kind of person i would be as a grownup. i thought about it again recently when i came across a blog with a sign on the sidebar that says: "i'm an adult and i can do whatever i want."
for some reason, reading it stated so boldly reminded me of all the choices i really do have. it's funny that i still have a "someday" mentality about so many things, and how i do still think "someday when i'm a grownup." i've always heard people say you don't feel too different as you grow older, but now i think i'm starting to get it. i mean, i thought i understood, but now i can see i have been a grownup for quite some time and there are many things i envisioned myself doing which i never do. and now i'm thinking it would be fun to try to do some of them. so i give you:

1. wear lipstick
2. throw dinner parties. fancy ones, with three courses and cloth napkins.
3. have garden parties
4. go to art galleries & foreign film screenings
5. wear a dress/skirt on a weekday
6. have nicely manicured fingernails
7. wear jewelry
8. have a clean, well-designed house

well, you get the idea. the fun part of my vision, obviously, is the more artificial stuff. i liked to think i would shop at j. crew and drive a land rover and be part of the scene in some urban setting. i also dreamed about the more important stuff:

1. marry the man i love in the temple
2. be a mother and stay home with my children, if possible
3. find ways to develop my own talents and nurture my family's talents and interests
4. maintain close friendships with my loved ones--family and friends
5. be a proactive person who makes connections and works hard

both lists are still important to me, and i'm happy to say that i feel i'm doing the things i value most from this second list. it's a helpful thought because lately i've been thinking so hard about this dream:

1. be a published writer

i envision it. i envision it real good, but i feel like i'm stuck on the other side of it, trying to figure out how to get close enough to touch it. how can i break through the wall? that is my question. for 59 chocolateless days that has been the question. it seems like spending any amount of time with words is a push in the right direction. so here i am.

back to the fun stuff. i'm looking at that list that little me dreamed about and thinking, i can do that. i am a grownup! i can do all of this if i want to! it's all about priorities, and planning. and finding the right shade of lipstick.

what's on your grownup list? are you living your grownup dream?